Bad Movie Review: Slaughter of the Vampires

Bad Movie Review: Slaughter of the Vampires

February 15, 2020 70 By William Hollis


Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World. ‘Personally I’d say he’s sinister’ ‘Very much so’ Regular viewers will know I do have a soft spot for 1960s Italian gothic… and Slaughter of the Vampires is no exception, despite being directed Roberto Mauri, who can’t forgive for King of Kong Island. ‘I admit my first impression was discouraging’ We open with a pair of terrified vampires being hunted, ‘After them, don’t let them get away!’ But fortunately for the vampires, the mob is terrible at searching. ‘They’re not here, it’s just as well for them they are not.’ Unfortunately, the vampires are just as bad at escaping. ‘Look, there they are, they’re getting away.’ The male vampire gets away and hides in the basement of a grand house, but is woken by music… played by Louise, who is now distracted by a rogue theremin. #rogue theremin plays mysteriously# Can anyone else here that? The vampire gate-crashes and dances with Louise. While her husband Wolfgang watches. ‘Aren’t you jealous Wolfgang’ ‘No of course not’ You probably should be. Louise is smitten. ‘Don’t ever go away’ And it’s easy to understand why. ‘I’m here to offer you a life of passion’ While Wolfgang is here to read her the longest book in the world. ‘He was earing a long dark cloak with a hood that covers his head.’ Although I think he’s skimming, look how much further he’s got by the next shot. ‘Suddenly the lighting revealed his features and found himself staring in the face of his bitterest foe.’ The vampire is passionate about Louise. ‘You too belong to the night, for in you the lights of stars in transformed into a being of flesh and blood’ While Wolfgang doesn’t even notice something’s going on… ‘Louise what are you doing here?’ In your nightie, with a bunch of flowers in the middle of the night. ‘I just wanted a breath of air.’ Oh well that’s alright then. ‘I confess that for one moment there I was worried’ And it’s not just Louise, the maid is seduced as well. ‘I can feel your blood in my veins’ I can’t tell if Italian vampires are more passionate, or if this is just one of those films where everyone just says exactly what they’re thinking, ‘My thoughts tried in vain to keep me interested in things that made me love life, the joy of living in your day. ’ Possibly both. ‘I’m talking too much’ Louise’s meetings with the vampire take their toll and she dies while Wolfgang is out fetching Professor Nietzche who has a theory before he even see her, ‘The vampires’ ‘The vampires?’ But by the time they arrive… ‘She’s gone. What’s happened?’ I don’t really think this is a bad film, it is however, very silly, and gets worse from here on as they hunt for the vampires. ‘This must be done before daybreak’ Look at the window, it’s clearly day, and this continues during the hunt. ‘It’s almost dawn and nothing has appeared’ 20 seconds later. ‘Soon, undercover of darkness, the two vampires will leave their lonely tombs in searh of blood’ Then there’s the hunt itself, ‘Who’d have thought a coffin would be hard to find’ Must be cunningly hidden. ‘Wolfgang, the governess and the child are mortal danger.’ It is very hard to find a coffin if you don’t look behind anything. Now the film suddenly hurls in some character-building from nowhere. ‘All that matters to you is to achieve your ambitions, impress your friends and prove your brilliance’ Firstly; there’s been no hint of this. Secondly; you met this guy yesterday, that’s some very specific guesswork. ‘Once again I have to ask your forgiveness’ We also get an attempt to raise the stakes, ‘The moment has come at last when vampires will disappear from the earth.’ oh, there’s just this one is there? Shouldn’t be a problem then because hiding remains his weakness. It’s not a subtle film. ‘I’ll just sit here on this chair’ And not kill anyone. And when she makes her move it highlights how weak a hero Wolfgang is. ‘No…’ ‘No…’ But to be honest the bad guy’s no better, look how he reacts to the death of his bride… #Scream# #More Screams# Oh well, nothing I can do now. ‘It’s terrible’ I also really question why they keep a little girl in the house throughout the vampire attacks. ‘We mustn’t let them out of our sight’ Oh, she’s bait. Now it makes sense. And with her unknowing help the vampire is killed with a gate. And the kid’s fine. We must be careful not to let what happened last night affect her tender mind’ Oh I can’t imagine that, ‘But children forget so quickly’ Yes I’m sure the sight of someone being impaled and disintegrating into a skeleton won’t become a traumatic nightmare buried in her psyche that prevents her from walking past a fence without having flashbacks. ‘But you ought to realise that I for one have had enough of this comedy’ Fun film. ‘Come now, lets go hear my wife play.’ Thanks for watching. For more vampire film reviews click here. These are bad films but I still love them, what are the bad movie sub-genres for which you have a soft spot? Let us know in the comments below. ‘Go now, don’t waste anymore time.’