BRAND NEW DEMON!! | DOOM – Part 8

BRAND NEW DEMON!! | DOOM – Part 8

December 11, 2019 100 By William Hollis


Hello everybody my name is Markiplier, and welcome back to DOOM! I was exploring around and I found this cool dude… who seems to have been impaled! He doesn’t look too good — he looks like Alexander from Amnesia the Dark Descent. Anyway, I uh, just picked up some ammo here and I have recovered! …from my ordeal yesterday! Uh, the ordeal being thirteen Habanero peppers, but I AM better now, and everything is going much smoother so let’s carry on with this game and everything is gonna be hunky-dory. No I’m not going into details because I don’t need to do that. Cyber-Mancubus, ok , the work of Dr. Pierce and her biogeneticists. OH!, So these armored fellows, OHHH! Now here I thought they were from hell but I didn’t realize the extent of Dr. Pierce’s research. So she… [breathes] Had something very much to do with it. Here’s another heart just sitting on a pedestal. Why are you there?! I have a funny feeling you were from the original Doom somehow but I’m missing a point here. Oh no! Ist undt trap! Again with the traps! You’d think that they would learn that traps don’t exactly work on me. Cause I seem to be a little bit more resilient than they give me credit for. But you know, I don’t give them a lot of credit either they’re kinda just a bunch of stupid demons. Hi! How’s it going? Yes I can hit you out of the air. OH NOO! Hang on. Come on hit-hit-hit the damn explodey barrel dammit. Alright… Hang on this guy needs some more “sass in his ass” Oh no. He assploded. Oh I guess he’s dead now. Okay no one else to play with. Anybody… Oooh story time! I don’t have any water this time I forgot to get some. [Mark strokes his beard] [Mark touches his mustache] [Mark looks at the viewers and taps his mustache] [Mark is now in the “What?” phase] [Mark is now touching his lips] [Mark tips his head slightly sideways] [Mark tries to process on what is going on in the story] [Back to the “What?” phase] Wait? So that… That introduces another character. I thought they were going to keep jerking me off for a little bit about how great I was. But that tells something about someone else that helped me? And gave me my armor? So this Wretch, Maybe I was pulled from the wrong timeline and then they gave me this armor which made me even stronger so that means that I killed-I killed some people without this armor, which just goes to show how badass I am but that’s interesting… huh I don’t know, am I even human is a good question huh, oh well. Nothing to be said about that That says I need to go over that way, but I can’t stheem to fit through the door so maybe there was a uh – was there like a skull button that I missed over here because I’m very stupid about these sort of things? NOOOO it’s a whole lot of nothing – FUCK OFF! alright what do we got? what? There’s something over there. it says there’s something over down there Ahhh… what do we got? oh uh huh, no? what damn it oh no that must be where the switch for the uh secret DOOM level is but I don’t know where there would be a switch eh I see, I’m supposed to go in here with the river and blood and (gibberish) never mind, I can’t talk, but I know it’s a trap huah! ah damn you, Pinky, damn you, you Pinky bastard you invisi-Pinky don’t do that, thank you, alright uh oh, it sounds like there’s something behind me no? no one? I was expecting friends and a party maybe and I’m on the lookout for oh there we go, that’s what I was missing I was waiting for you alright, just-just don’t just don’t, just don’t, don’t, don’t man, they just shower blood, don’t they? eugh I mean I am shooting explosives and about a million bullets into them, so I’m assuming there is going to be some sort of a shower what is in there? oooh secret secrets? maybe not…maybe not at all… okay, alright then I’M OFF, I’m off to school have a good day! what’s that? why is that there? What’d that do? That open up something down here maybe? OH HEY, wha–how you doin? Welcome! Man, how many-how many of you did Dr. Pierce experiment on? seems almost unfair. Well, I mean, not unfair, obviously I’m still going to kill them dead no matter what they do and no matter who they talk to but that’s not going to stop me from feeling bad for them. Oh no! nah, that’d be a waste, eh Eh. ah geez, what a wimp! Two plasma bullets *blows raspberries* Hey you, stop that I don’t want to get that haste just yet, I want to wait for something else. I actually don’t take damage from these anymore, I forgot, whoops That’s–Stop playing soccer with my explosive barrels. Alright… There was some sort of an achievement for, yeah Kill 10 demons with explosive barrels, ooookay. Boink! Is anybody going to present me a challenge? How bout you? no Nope? okay bye uh huh, there you go oooh more Cacodemons, looks like it’s Cacodemon central over here Ohp, oh hey, blam man, that-that heat blast really does a number on these guys whoop. Oh, where’d he go? There ya are. Uh-huh. Okay, there we go. Alright, I’ll get the haste, fine. whoa, whoa, hey whoa Can’t get me, Pinky, I’m too quick for ya now. Oh you’re dead. Never mind, I was shooting your corpse. No point for that. Sorry, I missed ya Oh no, I’m back to slow old me again. alright then Oh hey! Can you not? It’d be great if you didn’t Thank you! Man, I didn’t know that just that was all I needed You know, it seem like these Mancubuses have – or is? that’s not a Mancubus Was that a Mancubus? I can’t remember. That’s a Mancubus, yeah Seems like the Mancubus already have some sort of advanced armor You know, I mean a lot of these guys just take ooooh! I know what you are! I was looking for you because I realized that there was already a secret entrance already over there just past the way, whoa. Okay thank you, for that. It’s convenient. I’m going to get the map first though. Thank you! Okay, so I got the auto map, but over here – man I am not taking any more damage. Yes, right here. Ooooh I remember this, this was in the last episode of the campaign. Ohh this was soooo cool I never knew what these were, they were just like stone carvings of this one dude, I could never tell if he just had a really thick neck or like sideburns that extended a little bit too far. eh who knows? We will never know alright, but anyway, back to the fray I’ve got to get this yellow key and then find where the yellow key goes cause I don’t know Where is all this blood coming from?! Why is it flowing out of Argent energy? Is that the secret to it? Argent energy is actually just the power of death being funneled ah that seems like something that would be possible huh, should I go through there? There was a yellow door back that way but I can’t get to it, okay So I must continue forward Ahhh goot, I am back at the beginning. So what do I do up here? Anybody gonna tell me? Why do I have two wayp– oooh that would be handy Okay, but I could also go through there but let me go through here first boink! Prolly gonna help me reclaim the whatever-the-hell I’m trying to get I know I got low ammo oooo fancy! ooh that’s not what I was thinking it was going to be ahhh What a juxtaposition to my technology. Old stone gear works. Alright then, what did that do? Is there going to be blood that’s shootin out of everywhere now? no? Okay I’m off to unlock the other lock and get this undone oooh pretty, big arena, I like it you wanna fight me? thank you, I was getting lonely a little bit *makes shooting noises with mouth* don’t do that there was no point there’s no point in resisting I think there’s a quad damage that’s under lockdown over there I don’t know how they’re… I don’t know how they think they’re going to hide it from me I mean, there’s no point in hiding it because I’m gonna miss it anyway because that’s how I always function as a player, as a gamer I just know never what’s two feet in front of my god damn face hi buddy, I hope that hit you. It didn’t, did it? Damn it. Oh it did hit you, it did. Hello, thank you! Oh man, that’s gross, why would I want to shove my hand inside that thing anyway seems like something detrimental to my experience Eh. Bldldlm Uh-huh. Man, what a bunch of pathetic losers All in a room by themselves, not really doing anything for anybody They just come here to die over and over again. So sad for them. DON’T EVEN TRY IT! Ow you gave me a little bit of ouchies You scruffed my armor, how dare you? I was trying to keep my armor as pristine as possible ugh I was going to go to the ball in my nice suit you all ruined it for me Ow! Talk about accuracy Wow this–that Imp knew what was going on, too bad he had to die horribly I actually got to be picking up ammo because I ain’t doing it correctly Am I supposed to get that? Am I-is it is it QUAD TIME? OH IT’S QUAD TIME, AIN’T IT? oh it’s so quad time! QUAD QUAAD quawd These guys aren’t dying as fastly as I would like them to quad QUAD QUAAAAD god damn it quawd QUAAAWD QUAD QUAD quad I’m-I’m losing health because I’m just-I’m just getting too caught up in my quad Man, that was a pathetic quadding I could’ve done way better than that, if only I had known If only I had saved it Seems like sometimes they want me to pick it up oh this is where the blood’s flowing out of! oh oh I thought that was another enemy coming my way but this is where the blood’s flowing out of but where’s the blood flowing into that one? I’d hate to think that all of hell has a very advanced piping system their only sewer system is literally blood but they make sure that every citizen of hell has plenty of supply, no matter what at all times you can always rely on Blood Incorporated Okay fine, I’ll pick up the blue key I’m busy on my blood spiel oh eugh, guarded by a Baron of Hell, kind of thank you That sounds good, alright is there anything else here that I should know about? I seem to have been covering a lot of ground, but there does seem to be a lot more map down there. I guess I’m going to get to that eventually. Haven’t seen much else in the way of a secret. buut if it has to be, it has to be Oop, thank you. *quietly* oh I haven’t used that yet Alright. Unlocking the blue gate Opening another portal to hell that’s probably going to lead me into death and destruction That’s what I’m here for uh huh, cool, bank huh You know, it makes me curious like who built this stuff like obviously we’re in hell and there’s a lot of pretty advanced construction and piping for the blood and such that means there’s gotta be-there must-there must be, like some sort, of you know, engineering team there’s-there’s gotta be nerds of hell, there’s gotta be nerd demons there’s gotta be nerd demons, the engineers they have to exist-oooh hey uh, don’t do that could I ask you not to-this weapon sucks ass I hate it eh, let me get your butt don’t take any context out of that – ow damn it nooo just let me have your butt thank you well that wasn’t exactly-eugh wasn’t exactly what I was looking for, but-where did you go? where did he go? oh he went invisible did he go invisible? there’s no way that he went invisible that’s not-not possible not possible-I refuse to belie-oh he fell off That I could believe- okay let me just do this boink! these assho-oh fuck off with you oh god they’re going to get me now cause I lost all my armor Okay, he’s dead, you’re not dead Yeah, just run into a wall, be stupid, and diiiiie alright he’s dead got it! just don’t-don’t Revenant piece of crap ass whoa what are you doing here? I didn’t even see you I know there’s gotta be-hang on I’m gonna just do that real quick Sorry, let me take that from you, holy shit alright no, that’s-that’s not right Get that. I just wanted to get the gas OWW geez these guys are kicking my ass all of the sudden I was just taking names and what have ya but now I’m just getting my ass handed to me. huh where, where, WHERE? come at me, bro-whoa that’s where you is alright, I–sorry, have no choice, I don’t want to take you on normally that’d be stupid oh god damn it, not another one well I saved this up for ya boink! What that didn’t kill you? Oh I didn’t get a direct hit, did I? NO! Gotcha! Gotcha, bitch hwabowshki okay booyakasha as I remember that I used to say Now they’re all dead and I am the victor Therefore I shall, I don’t know, do something eat a bowl of ice cream probably now where do I go? this way? okay back towards the collage of death ooo how lovely, I like the way you replaced bricks with people, that’s my favorite who’s moanin off there? who’s still left alive to moan? I didn’t even know that was possible around here uh huh I thought I went-oooo it’s a new area me like it, okay! GERONIMOOO *dissolves into weird noises* ow, impact compensation is the best probably is there anything-oh I almost missed a story me? Yeah I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news even though that’s kind of my namesake but I got out and uh I’m rippin up shit I’m ripping up every of the shit that you ever built I mean you’re lucky that I don’t just break down all your walls ahh these assholes here shoot each other, be dicks to each other kill each other, murder, MURDER eh they’re not murderin I better do the murdering for them in that case alright, goodbye ooo I bet there’s going to be secrets abound here ooo that looks pretty down there, that looks like I-I might be crazy, but that looks like one of the deathmatch maps down there, but I-I’m probably just crazy actually I’m definitely crazy oooh I love the decorations, always with the skulls and whatnot *mumbling about secrets* whoop there wath a thecret there wath a thecret-ooo almost missed you, you’re half buried in the dirt found you! thank you oooh wonder what this guy is okay Hep, hup! get up there yeah you better not miss out on that one ah! he wants to kill me, I better kill him first or was he just waving his arms all being happy? just trying to defend himself now, but it’s not working boink! man, you guys used to be touuuugh they used to be unrelenting amounts of mmmurder in my face but, alas not anymore-okay So that is Praetor token-I’ve got 4 of those and 20 weapon upgrades? Holy shit. I should do something about that oh I thought I-wait I I thought I had that I had that! eh maybe one of the times when I died I guess I didn’t get that I don’t need that That’d be stupid to get it at this point, I need something else aaaaaaaaaaah I guess this? Yeah I’d like more quad time, that’d be nice and I don’t even know what I could do with the weapons because they’re pretty much fully upgraded at this point at least all the ones that I regularly use ooooh aaah again with the blood, but that seems to be wasted man, I wonder how big this place actually is again, decoration teams did a great job and how the hell did you get here? okay some one said that Siege Mode for the Gauss Cannon, which I can never seem to get ammo for, but Siege Mode can take down a Baron of Hell in like two shots so I’m gonna do that let me see this Siege Mode oooh me likey I like that, and you know what since I just got it and I was just complaining about having all this “beam now has a devastating area of effect around it” let’s just turn it into a BFG why don’t we “beam charge time is reduced,” love that “Kill 3 or more demons with the Siege Mode beam 10 time–” holy shit Allows movement while using it if I get that Well, I’ll-oooh Wha–It seems like they really want me to use this son of a bitch Does it use-oh it uses the same-ohhh I didn’t know thaaat! If I’d have known that I would’ve-aww oh who you talkin to? hey buddy, what are you doin? oh hi, I’ll let you do your thing I hardly ever just get to sit back and enjoy the party *noises of disgust* I don’t know what’s happening and I don’t know why they’re in fighting while someone actually talked to me cause that’s new, someone that voice that I’ve been hearing about the Doom Slayer the one that was, you know, talking so much and kissing my ass about how great I am just heard his voice, so I wonder where he is eh weird are you done? God you guys are so inefficient at killing people eugh just get on with it GET ON WITH IT GET ON WITH IT alright, who’s left? oh, er, scuze me, sorry heeeeh-boink! ohhhhh uh ohhh D-ohhh…. heeey owww I’m a little stunned at my own destructive capacity at this point wow, like holy shit that was nuts, that destroyed ’em good god, why I been–why have I been wasting plasma ammo on that shit, holy crap who’s up there? you want some of me? heh? whoa where am I? where did I go? I don’t know what the hell happened? ahhh so fast eeeeh boink boink, thank you oh no cmon, let me get a lock god damn it well that guy’s dead well that guy’s dead wow lots of Revenants, I don’t know why Lemme get tha–nope, never mind hello excuse me there we go Hup. Thank you get that Wup! boink! mkay get that… Awww, I should have glory killed that person, oh well! whoa what the hell is that? why do wh–sometimes when they die-wooo hey I’m going to do this because I found my new favorite toy *shooting sound with mouth* oh no, what the hell you’re supposed to-there we go, that’s-that’s what I wanted, okay so that was a death from a Mancubus, this is way better than the other one because ow ehhh boink nope okay the only problem is that it does stick you to the ground but I don’t know how I’m gonna be able to kill more than one of these bad boys at a time unless I get some weaker ones to all line up in a straight line which I don’t think they’re gonna wanna do I mean if I was them I wouldn’t want to do it but then again they are very stupid I didn’t need to waste it on that one but I don’t know hi! you going to let me through now? aw right when I found BFG ammo Y’know what, you guys are too kind to me. You guys are just the nicest — Okay, nothin’ else down there Off we gooo! In to wherever other part of hell they want me to go to After I found my new favorite toy they’re gonna be in very much trouble. WAIT why was the gate even bother-ohhh is there another gate over here? Alright never mind. I was just questioning their design, but I shouldn’t’ve questioned the… …the crack crew of the, uh… …hell engineering team! Oh, hey! I got a new toy for you! A’ight Walk around the corner! Hello! Whoaaaa! Ow, shit. Wreou! OH!! God!! OHHH Gohohod! …Oh hey! How’s it goin’? I got a present for you, too! Hehhh-boink! Oh my God, it’s sooo destructive! Ohhh, MAN! That is amazing! Aaa-who’din’n- who’da known about that?! I dis- I sure didn’t. Good golly. Well, good thing that I got the two… tough ones outta the way in the beginning. I didn’t even have enough chainsaw ammo to really take care of ’em. I thought I — I thought I picked up chainsaw ammo outside, there. Oh, God, fuck you guys. Fuck you guys. Where’s — no, that’s not what I was… Shit– That guy down, okay, he’s down… …down… ohh, fuck. There we go! Okay, we’re fine. We’re fiiiine! Thankyou! Alright. Boink! whoa god damn it, fuck that aw fuck that I hate you guys! You are the worst, you are literally the worst ow! Oh shit oh fuck aight come at me, bro come at me don’t even try don’t, I said don’t and you did I told you not to and you did anyway what a dick bag, these guys are assholes Who’da thought? You walk into the neighborhoods of hell, and you try to greet everybody, and they just turn out to be dick bags they actively encourage their dogs to shit on your lawn and they don’t come over to your barbecue, what a bunch of dick holes okay anyway now where are we going? not that I guess there’s only one way to go besides getting these okay these guys are testing me in a bit– and again! This guy! How did he get here? There’s not even like a visual story of him being here-no that’s not him either like there-like I-i-if this guy’s going to be here what they should’ve done is told some sort of story with the environment of how he was here who he was fighting like how tough was he? Did he die a bitch? did he die like a-like a really cool kind-not as cool as me, I don’t want to give him too much credit here y’know it di-it like T-tell me the story of what happened to him like where did he come from, where did he go, where did he come from Cotton Eyed Joe, anyway gotta take care of these guys, scuze me stop oh I’mma get you, I’mma get you I’mma-oh fuck I didn’t got him god damn it I was gonna look so cool if I had actually got him sucks on me for tryna show these guys something, wow oh shit, he went blind oh, then he just-man that’s sad there we go, second try alright got him Finally alright who else? stop! you’re not there! oh, uh oh uh oh UH OH oh no– oh shit, oh fuck, well that’s not what I wanted to do I just wanted to show you my cool chainsaw, not actually use it on you god damn it, stop that *makes shooting noises with mouth* I don’t have time-oh that’s not good Well, good thing I got this bad boy whoa that’ll stop you in your tracks whoa shit, that’ll s-knock me the hell back oh shit, WHOA SHIT that ain’t good whoa shit, oh fuck NO I di–*sings* I thought there was road there, ♪ I thought there was laaaaand ♪ ♪ holy shit I’m a dumbaaass ♪ well we’re gonna ignore that that happened then move on with the rest of our lives the rest of my life anyway that shouldn’tve happened, everybody uh please forgive me okay trying this again, this time not sucking and dying, that is cool nope, aaaaaah oh shit, this guy, whoa, A-hole, A-hole alert aaaaah fuck god damn it stop missing ‘im, if I could just hit ‘im that’d be wonderful alright Oh go–WHOA SHIT, ah god damn it oh am I backed up against a wall? I am aren’t I? well good thing I saved enough, uh bull– whoa hey nabout no how bout no whoa hahahahaha alright this guy wants to play I got just enough for you, buddy woop nope, I got just enough for the wall apparently euuuuh take a gre-nad-ay, don’t flame me uuuuh boing there we go, got him good okay that was much better, thank you everybody for cooperating with me that time was a good exercise let’s just keep doing that that way forever and ever til we finally-wow are they preparing me for something? like holy shit what is that? what are you? euuugh euuugh what are these things? why are they here? what do they want? why are there wormies? eugh gross, alright! I’m gonna get out my uh-my chain gun here and we’re gonna have a good ol’ time, is it the end? oh! cool, I’ve seen that before but what does that-OOOH aaaah! interesting who are you? welcome! Are you new? *gasp* *singsong* it’s someone new ah you were the wormie ah, yes, you’re worm grooooooss really gross ah he’s swinging ball hammers alright then, eh shit that don’t look good huh oh my god what do-what do I do? He-he seems to have some sort of a shield I’m g-I’m thinking? *shooting noises with mouth* okay so I can’t get through his shield but there are opportunities when he’s swingin’ so whenever he-whoa that don’t look good…whoa so when he goes on the offensive which is good for me cmon, whoa, ah there we go okay so that did somethin not a lot, but somethin hwa-boink! got him ah that didn’t do shit either cmon give me somethin ah stop g-stop throwin’ a tantrum and give me somethin stop being such a sissy come on, whadaya got woop–nope, okay eh this guy’s easy if this is all he’s got, then this guy’s pretty easy whoa, what are you doin side stepping like a looooser thank you missed Whoa. okay well that was a tantrum this guy just seems like he’s a-he’s a spoiled little brat that just wants to throw tantrums oooh hey sorry, didn’t mean to talk bad about ya man, that’s his one weakness: antagonization uh oh is he going into second phaaase? nope, same shit as before why change what you don’t want to change? whoa, oh he’s spinning in a-oh oh oh that’s a- that’s a cool move, what am I playing World of Warcraft and you’re a raid boss that is gonna do this and I gotta stand out of the fire is that all I gotta worry about? oh no he got weak after his thing whoa shit, oh shit, oh shit I wasn’t ready for that ya-ya juked me whoa, I don’t know what that is can I? oh, oh shit what the fuck was that? what the fuck was that? Are you gonna-oh god, don’t do that random bullshit and not tell me what I’m supposed to be doin god damn it, fuck this asshole now I gotta do this without getting hit one more time? is that how it’s gonna be? really? can I just-please? OH COME ON ahbababubumbubumbumbum *other random noises* that’s whatcha get it’s whatcha get I bet you have another phase, dontcha? do ya? no? oh no, the worm fell over and diiiiied Hell Guards? Oh god, I– there’s more? well, I didn’t know that, eh shit huh well do they have shields too? are they going to be annoying? they are, aren’t they, oh they’re going to be so annoying oh this is going to be fun oh maybe they don’t have shields, maybe these guys don’t have shields maybe, maybe, but maybe if I were so lucky whoa, what the frick, stop that I don’t have enough, I blasted away all my fricken BFG ammo on the other guy and you assholes are just bein dillweeds about it all at least you’re spittin out a bunch of ammo which is good for me ’cause I love to do this hehehe this… and a little bit of that and some more of that-oh shit aaand since you guys aren’t putting up much of a defense alright I guess I’ll just toast ya away aight it’s like hopscotch, just hop and blam and hop and-oh shit whoa-and hop blam and woah-ow god damn it, good thing I was sitting in a giant pile of health man if I didn’t have that I’d been screwed eeeh Oh, that guy is–seems weak. Huah! Do you need this?? Do you need this thing on your chest? In your chest? Oh, shit, he’s dead. Heh! He-he blasted his friend, he was like “YOU’RE WEAK.” “HOW DARE YOU GET KILLED BY THIS HU-MAN?” “If he really is human, I don’t really know at this point.” Pldldldleh! Thank you! OH HEY! Aw, aren’t you a cutie? Imma take you outta there. You seem too hot in there. Alright. Weeell. I don’t have a witty remark to say about th–something about stretching before you work out. I dunno, I was trying to come up with something, I couldn’t come up with anything, so… I apologize for that. Alright, I did it! Boink. I bet you guys thought I was gonna die there, but I’m too cool. So what do I do about this? Oh, there we go. Ah! Cool! I got the Keyblade! What do I do with it? Well… I’m not brave enough to use it as a dildo–Hi friends! You walked in at a weird time…! Me talkin’ about this dildo…! Uh-huh. Yes! Cool! We’re all buddies. “Tether Activation”? Oh. Oh, okay. G’bye! Bye, friends! I guess… I guess I’m done in Hell! I didn’t do much of that, but at least I got some secrets. I got the Elite Guards, and the Argent Cell. Not that they were hiding ’em, but at least I found them nonetheless. Alright, “VEGA Central Processing.” I’m back…on Mars! Which is…nice, I suppose. I dunno where else I would be going. Oh! So I’m just coming back so that I can go there again. “I am VEGA.” What? You are VEGA? Why is that the name of the chapter? Samuel VEGA? I dunno. Hey, look at this, I’m back. Hellooo! So… So, what I’m guessing, is that Sa– Samuel will want to harness the power of the well, while I will want to destroy the well once and for all. Probably. That’s just the moral…conflict that I imagine is gonna arise from this. Ohh, this guy’s seen better days. Huh. I se–I kinda forgot that everyone was still dead over here. Alright, “VEGA.” I-I know about VEGA. I get–I get it. I get VEGA. I understand. Is there something that happened over here? There’s nothin’ over here, right? Yeah, nothin’ over here. Alright, le’s do dis! Thank you! Whaaaat? Oh, that’s not the turn that I expected this to take. Okay, I have a few questions. One: We’re suddenly in the arctic winter? Did we go to one of the northern or southern poles of Mars? Because, it does have poles, the same as Earth does. Well, not the same, obviously, but… It does have cold zones, but I didn’t know that we were warping all the way over there, and I didn’t know that UA–the UAC also had a facility up there. Which is awfully confusing, as you could guess. Is there a way to jump up there? Nah, that seems like a completely different area. Prolly something I’m gonna access later, but I’ll get to that in a second. Prolly from in here… So…either I’m in a tota–whoa, hey! What are you doin’? How you doin’?? Awww, where you runnin’ away? He doesn’t wanna fight me, I’m-I don’t– Wha–nope! Yes he does! Oh… Man. And, to think. I was about to let him go. I was gonna name him and everything. He was gonna be my buddy. If one of these guys tried to be my friend, maybe I’d forgive him. Probably not, but… Hey…! You crawlin’ down there? You crawl–oop. XD I just saw the body just drop out of nowhere. Welp, looks like I got him. Got him good. Alright…what else we got… *mouth fart* There was probably… Oh, hey. Ehhhh, no. I sa–god dammit, you’re a feisty one. Alright. There’s probably a secret somewhere ar–to do with that. Yeah, there was! Ohh, I’m–I’m not gonna lose that. OH NO! OHH NOOO! OHH little guy!! Awww, little guy. I-I can go back. I’ll just load the checkpoint. Unless it checkpointed me at the bottom of this thing! Which it has done before! I dunno if it’s gonna do that again… Okay, good! Okay, so somewhere up here… Sorry. Somewhere up here there is…a…DOOM guy. Ahh, he’s abo~ve! OHH. Ahh–oh, uh, ohhh! It’s back here! This is worth it, guys, this is worth it. In my mind, these are worth it. Okay, so it waaas back here, I just wasn’t looking close enough. Ah, get me up there! What’re you doin’? What’re you doin?? What’re you doin’ sassy-pants? Get me up there. Thank you. Alright, so, somewhere up here… Or no, down here…there is a way… Ah, over here! Huah hueh! Okay, and I see it here. Ew. Hi. Alright. Boink! And then through heeere, down heaaah–Oh! Hallo! Hi friend! Ooh, look at you. Aren’t you looking good– Oh! Someone else pointed out that, uh, Keen Guy was from Commander Keen. Ohh, Quake Guy. That guy–that guy…That guy! Quake Guy has seen much better days than that. Hey, I don’t have time to deal with you assholes, I got places to be. Kabooshki! I’ll leave you with one of these. Thank you. Alright. Anything? Anything? Nope. Uh-huh. Boink. Okay! Let’s see! Huh-booshki! Ow! Eh, no, it’s alright. Ooh, Berserk Pack. I want that when I see some bigger things to Berserk all over. Alright, I’ll get that in a second! Boink. Sorry! Oh. Is there not another one? Eh, fine, whatever. I guess I’ll fight them. Ohh, geez. Ugh, whatever man. Just go down. I don’t have time to glory kill up a storm. Ehh, maybe–maybe a few. Alright, you know what? I’m gonna get this. ‘Cause they…are just bein’ sassy. Hep! Time to Berserk! Ohhh shit! Oh gohohod! Oh the destruction! Someone stop me! Oh, hey. How’s it goin’? Boink. Oh, geez! Hey! How’s it goin’ friend? Boink! Let me just–Ohh god! You didn’t need that. Oh, shit. Oh man. Ohh, any more? Anyone else wanna fight? I go–I-I bought the pow–Oh my God! This Berserk is lasting a long time. Does it last longer the more I kill? Ohhh, that’d be amazing if that’s true. *chuckle* Excuse me! *giggle* Anybody up here? Anybody else? No? No one else? That’s it? Ahhh, c–oh! Oh, what’re you doin’ over there? Little Sassy Sue, clingin’ to a wall. Ahh, wasting all my Berserk. Alright, open up! This is the police! Down here, nevermind. Sorry, I was in the wrong place anyway. I coulda pressed this at any moment. OH, but I didn’t! Alright, there we go. Cool. What does that mean? Apparently no one’s gonna tell me, so I gotta find out on my own. That’s an invulnerability sphere…I got maxed out on the BFG ammo now. Is there any secrets down here? Doesn’t look like it. Okay, but, up there. I believe I need to go up top now to activate something at a computer terminal, if I’m not mistaken, over heaah! And then I’ll save the Invulnerability for later. Boink! This is just bizarre, having a guy calmly telling me–well, not a guy, an AI calmly tell me how to disable himself. I mean, that’s just a liiittle weird to me. Eh-heh. Kay, that guy dead. Just fall over, please? Eh… They take five rockets, not that you guys mind at all. I just gotta kill them a–whoa! Oh… Hey! I thought I heard somethin’ over there! Huh. Somethin’ was sneakin’ up behind me. Super Shotgun! Boink! Ah, shit. Nye-boink! Ah, shit. I might as well miss! God dammit. There we go. Head clean off! Hey, buddy! You look fancy. Y’know what else looks fancy? Whole lotta bullets in the face. Oh, shit. Sorry, it overheated. Lemme get my other, better gun. Okay. Welp, where’d your face go? Boink–ohh, where’d your entire body go? Alright. Boink. Also, someone pointed out that there was a weapon wheel… A weapon selection wheel that slows down time when you wanna select a weapon. Which…would be very handy, but…I’m too ingrained on what I’ve been doing so far, So I have no idea how to use it. Alright, everybody–okay, I didn’t even need the Invulnerability… Moving on! Moving on… Ok! Are you a tier three fellow? I dunno if thats true I dunno if anyone act– HA I just imagine people just trying to stay calm in the face of, like, demons trying to destroy their shit that guy’s dead Boink! Whoa hey Pinky! Don’t. Just–ah, shit. AH shit AH he’s coming right for me AH shit oh shit that did nothing there we go Oh shit, goddamn it all these tight quarters There we go Noo, stop it you Always way tougher than they need to be Boink! Oh my God eeuuggh Shut up dude, no one cares. I’m busy kicking ass Alright now lets see, where am I supposed to go? Uuuupp here apparently Wow, that is… really encouraging. Good motivational speech dude You’re a great help to everybody around *muttering* I hear someone roaring Alright, so… Over this waaay, probably a cooling station that I can des- *Mark is interrupted by monsters* OH! Hey buddies Oh fuck off with this guy ouuhh I should just chainsaw you in the fa- Whoa hello Pinky, I’ll chainsaw you too cause I don’t want to be close quarters Alright, anybody else want to get chainsawed? Not that I have enough ammo for that, but whatever Boink Pistol? *stroking beard, considering* I wonder if anyone has gone through this entire game with just the pistol That would be obscenely hard in my mind Cause I mean even if you are good at dodging, you still can’t dodge absolutely everything …Unless you can oh OH it was behind me I’m embarrased *The Mark listens, looking confused* *He continues to keep the exact same face* Thank you, why did you need four of you? A-Are you going to be a final boss? Huh… Absolute zero huh? Well, you’d think that as soon as something didn’t become absolute zero it would instantly destabilize because if it was relying on just absolute zero- holy shit that’s- that’s some strict parameters to be dealing with. Cause absolute zero, wow. If you guys don’t know what absolute zero is, it- its the uh.. Theoretically its the lowest temperature that anyone could possibly get to I’m about to die holy shit I wasn’t even paying attention Talking about absolute zero and shit Boink! Ahh wha- uh what?! I’m supposed to be invulnerable when I’m doing that! There’s health on the ground! *shocked Marki face* What a load of ass! That’s bull- I’m supposed to be invulnerable when I do a glory kill There must have been something like midair just as I came out of it that was like right next to my face and that’s what got me That’s what I get for not paying attention God I keep getting relaxed like that and I’m just like “Beh whatever it’s just demons, who cares?” “Who gives a shit?” Oh I gotta do the thing Alright *weird noises* EUUGGH Okay got it EH *confusion* I guess they didn’t want to show up Or they- they’re there I ran into something, that was weird IT’S A GHOST, THEY’VE FINALLY BECOME GHOSTS OHH NO Alright that one’s done Uh huh. Cool yeah that’s great Wait where is the other one? Shut up everybody, I’m thinking Uh oh, I seem to be in the thick of it Well, no place I’d rather be No place like home… Where the fuck is this? Ohh it’s down! Ahh I see Alright, be right with you everybody oooHH YOU GUYS ARE DONE. Oh you guys made a horrible error Oh you made- Hello Baron of Hell! You also, like everybody else, made terrible ter- wait – ter- TERRIBLE mistakes Ohhhh so terrible *giggles evilly* I found the right power-up Shhhiiitttt. Holy crap Hi buddy! Guh. What the fuck, did he just fall over and die before I got to him? Of fear? Oh don’t let me swing in the air, I got a Mancubus over here to hit EUUHH Wow, that guy blorped Just get uh- get uh- LET ME PUNCH YOU LET ME PUNCH YOU! WHAT THE FU- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME LET ME- Oh I’m- I’m gonna… Wha FUCK YO- Oh he just blew up anyway. Fine fuck that guy Fuck you too Goddamn it, oh don’t make me die don’t- DO NOT What the- OH fuck off with that shit EEUUG How did I lose health so quickly? I don’t know Alright, if I get close to that thing, I’m chainsawing it in the face, I don’t care what it says. Where is it? Where’s that Summoner bastard? Where’s that piece of poop? Where is he? Where is he?! I c–I hear him! Theere you are! Stop running away!! Oh you big baby!! Oh, you bi–Ohhh you BIG baby!! YEAH! I gotcha now!! WHAT?? WhaaAT? MAN, am I runnin’ into bugs or somethin’?? I am, aren’t I? That’s weird, you wouldn’t think there would be bugs in a game as polished as this, but oh well. Scuze me, I gotta pick this up. I already know about the Cyber-Mancubus. Okay, where the hell is this last thing?? Sh–and shut up over there! Kay… fifty. Ohh, through here, okay, that–alright… I would’ve had that like 2 seconds ago, but I didn’t because I’m stupid. Stop. Just…stop. Just stop. You’re embarrassing yourself. Okay. Whoa! Hey, how’s it goin’ there buddy? You want some-a’ me? Boy, actually, I know–I know better for you. Alright, he’s gonna…Boink! Okay. WHY DID THAT NOT STOP YOU!? Whoooa, okay. *chuckles* That was sposed to stop you, buddy. Alright, is there another one around here? No? Ehkay! Cool beans, bruh! Cool beans! I dunno where that is, but I’m gonna…follow your instructions to murdalize ya. What is this? Thank you, for getting me up 2 feet. That’s amazing. Good job. Good job everybody. ooOOoh! Down there? Do I need to jump? I do, don’t I? Weeeeeee–bloink! Ow. Okay! Alright. I dunno where this is takin’ me! Okay! Ooh, that doesn’t look good. I’m just gonna pre-emptively blam ’em. Whooa, two-for-one sale–whoa, shit! Whoa, wasn’t expecting that! Whoa, fu–stop that! I’m tryin’ to do a thing here! And that means kill you, just let me– Oh god dammit, I wasn’t…ahhh, fuck. Fuck you, ya assho’. You. Just di–AWWWHH!! That guy was DEAD! Aww, fuck that. MmmMMMHHH. Pulled off a badass two-for-one kill. Let’s just forget that that happened, and then move on with my life. Forgetting all the awesome that I once imbibed. Boop! Bloop. Bloop. ‘Kay. OH TWO-FOR-ONE AGAIN, I di– Oh, shit. God dammit, fuck these assholes. OH fu–WHAT DA FU– Where the fuck am I?! OH FUCK OFF!!! ‘Kay. Two-for-one. Okay. So…The–I c–I–uhHHHH don’t do it again!! Don’t do–Dooon’t do it ag–why can’t I fucking move??? WHAT THE FUCK IS–I CAN’T M– WHY????? WHY CAN’T I MOOOVE?? What the FUCK!?? What was hitting me…THAT I CAN’T MOVE!?? Just still not happy. Fuck, just…c’mere. I’m go–I’m gonna getcha. Oh, ahhh’m gon’ getcha! There we go. Alright. And fuck YOU! …Oh, look, everything else is dead, including me!! Ffffffffuck THA–TUH!! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck OFF–euuh, shit! Aw, fuck off! Aw, fuck off–fuck you! WAAAH! Ba-boom! Okay. Everybody dead? Everybody nice and dead? …Errybody dead? E’e’ybody dead? Aww, fuck off! You and…and f-fuuuck you, I’m out baby! Okay. Where am I now? Where’m I now? Fuuuck you. I didn’t aim for that one, it wasn’t even–he wasn’t even there when I locked on. How did I lock onto that one?? I dunno if I’mma make this! Wup! Yes! Just barely! Okay, I can finish this off with style! I mean, not “style.” Obviously, I’ve–I’ve been very bad at what I’ve been doin’ here… But it’s not my fault! Don’t flame me. Just, don’t. What else do I have? This? Oh, you’re dead? Aww, come on! I had–awh, I coulda gotten–well, that woudn’ta really helped me… Alright. That was JUST an ORDEAL. WOWie ZOWie. My GOD. Ugh… Then, why did I–why am I still going deeper if all that’s happening? I coulda jus– Hey, you don’t know me! I just had a fight… It was alright. Pretty cool–*burp* Scuze me. Pardon me. Okay. So. With that being said, I am all outta time for this episode. Sorry for my poor performance on that last fight, but hopefully it was funny to you to watch me rage against the machines. Or the demons… So, thank you again! And, as always, I will see YOU in the next video! Bye-bye! =D *Haunted outro* Be careful while watching this series, because it’s going to get loud, crude, and offensively rude! *bink* GOT THAT! Okay…we’re runni–WE’RE RUNNING AWAY NOW! WE’RE RUNNING AWAY *gibberish* OH GOD!!