Ghost Fighting Corporation | Pilot

Ghost Fighting Corporation | Pilot

September 30, 2019 10 By William Hollis


Jack: It’s like having a dog Dean: Jack D: This wasn’t me. J: Yeah, that’s the third time you’ve said that. J: But you’re the only other one here. So who else would it had been? D: Oh, I don’t know about that. J: You know I do let you live here rent-free. J: I don’t wanna have a go but you owe me about… D: I know! D: I know.. J: I’m just saying. And I know you’ll get it to me. But.. J: It’s been like two months since you lost your job. J: Have you even been looking for another one? What did you do today? D:Well, I checked the newspaper looking for jobs and then, then I did a Seppuku. J: A Seppuku? D: Yeah, you know there are lil’ puzzles in the newspapers. J: That’s a Sudoku. D: What did I say? J: Seppuku J: Which is a form of Japanese ritual suicide. D: Oh J: The Samurai do it D: Right J: They do it to die with honor, rather than falling into the hands of their enemies. J: You did a puzzle. D: Well it was a hard puzzle. J: Could offer to help, by the way. D: I think I know what did this. D: But I’m gonna sound mental. D: I think it’s a ghost. J: Yeah, I think you’re right. J: Umm, that is mental. J: It’s not what you think. I just missed the shelf. J: So.. J: We’re on a hill. J: Okay… J: Strong, are ya? J: Yeah, yeah.. That’s weird! Ghost! Lovely ghost! Ghost in the house. J: Yeah, I admit it. I’m freaked out a little bit now. J: It’s exactly what I needed some supernatural behavior after a long day of admin. D: I think that in situations like this, there’s only one thing to do. J: We need to talk to a professional. D: I mean, I was gonna burn down the house and claim on the insurance but let’s give yours ago. ?: This room has become cold. ?: I can hear a frail voice but I can’t make out the words. ?: Sounds angry. Boy: FUCK YOU!!! Mom: Billy! Dad: What is this?! ?: Your son is possessed. Girl: COOL! Mom: Don’t film your bother when he’s like this. ?: This demon is strong. ?: I’m afraid it’s gonna cost extra. Dad: I’ll pay it! ?: Good job, kid. Billy: Always wanted to do it. I also wanted 20 pounds. Billy: Why do you do this? ?: Because it’s a job that your family is stupid enough to pay for. Billy: Cool. So pay up. ?: I just did. Billy: But you got paid extra for I’d done. I could go back inside and tell my dad on you. ?: Okay ?: Let me see if I get this straight ?: Your plan is to go inside and tell mummy and daddy that you swore in front of them and you weren’t possessed? ?: Good luck with that. Billy: Damn it! ?: Hello? J&D[on the phone]: Hello! Hi, I’m not sure if we’ve got the right number but I was wondering if.. ?: Are you having a problem with the supernatural? D[on the phone]: Umm,are we? J[on the phone]: Yes, we are, yeah. ?: You’ve got the right number. Meet me tomorrow at midday. By the way my name is Lucy. J&D[on the phone]: Okay, where would you like us to.. Lucy: Hello D[on the phone]: Yes, I’m not a mind-reader. Where’d do you want us to meet you? J[on the phone]: Dean… Do you wanna just come to our house? L: No, no. L: We need to meet first. J&D[on the phone]:Why? L: Because I need to check you are not crazy. L: Oh, I believe in ghosts come to my house. No. J&D[on the phone]: Fair enough. D: What did the text say? J: It said meet by the canal. D: Are you Lucy? Random Person: What?! I’m a man. J: Well you never know these days, mate D: Yeah it’s 2015. D: It’s pretty lucky we found you, actually.Umm… D: We googled “help us get rid of a ghost, please” and they brought us to you. L: You put “please” into google? J: Yeah, well we’re.. J: We’re polite like that so.. D: I mean have you ever thought about like changing the branding? Giving it a different name or a name? D: Like “Spirit Stopper” D: “Lucy, Spirit Stopper” L: Just a shit way of saying ghostbuster, which isn’t what I do. J: Okay, so how does this sort of thing usually work? L: Well, I will come and examine the area. L: I see you two live together. J: Yeah, we live together but we’re not together. J: I’m single, so.. L: Sure? L: I’ll identify the supernatural source if there is one and we’ll go from there. J: See what happens, no pressure. Nice.. D: Did you, uh, did you say supernatural sauce? // L: Yeah.. D: I like it. Sounds tasty. L: You two don’t see a lot of other people, do you? L: You alright? Drinking enough water? D: Yeah I’m drinking water. J: I stay hydrated. ??: She isn’t who she says she is. D: Are you talking to me? ??: Yes, my name is Detective Sudoku. Detective Sudoku: I need your help. [Mummers] [Mummering continues] Detective Sudoku: Don’t follow me. D: Yeah but I need to get this tube. Detective Sudoku: Get the next one. D: It’s in like ten minutes. Detective Sudoku: Fine. Get on. D: So where you off to? Detective Sudoku: Not telling you. D: Fair enough. L: Right, so everything in this room was knocked over. L: Everything except this vase? D: So it’s in the vase? L: Mm-Hmm D: Give it a rub. J: It’s not a genie. Genie How’d you know you do Bicker like an Old Married Couple i told you before We’re Not a couple i’m single so why’d you Keep Saying that it’s Better than Saying I’m Alone Which I’ve Said now Where did You Buy This I didn’t Buy it was a when I moved in I’ve Thought of Another Name Demon Destroyer No Cuz I’m Just Thinking Surely you need a name a logo A Hotline You Know if You’re A legitimate Business Which you are Obviously Polar heist that that’s good Name isn’t it that is A good Name Never like that valles ruins the fung Shui of the whole room Estate Agents that I can’t move it Though Didn’t I literally can’t Move it but you know that Makes sense Now Spirits Sometimes Inhabit inanimate Objects Like This the Change in Mass is Actually Pretty cool What do you think of lucy Think She’s great at my Ass go after This I mean hold off on the Wedding bells Though because, one I don’t think she likes you too She’s A con artist What I just don’t think You’ve Got Any Natural Chemistry no how, do you know that She’s A con artist Right okay after the first Time I met Lucy A detective told me that Inside of our House before With some sort of Fake Exorcism on A to be Confirmed real Ghost that’s inside of Avars that I think She’s trying to steal I don’t know But I’m Wearing A wire Another Detective Can Hear Every Single Word that we’re Saying? You’ve Gone To some lengths this Time dean Can you believe this wire it’s like One of The eight Chester’s I have you’re Just Worried that If I start Hanging out with Lucy Then? We’re not going to Spend as much Time Together I worry about a lot of Things The Environment So this Detective is Listening to everything the way of Saying right now yeah You’re a Dickhead You can’t do that Jack you Can’t Call a policeman a Dickhead that’s against the law and Now I’M an Accomplice Thanks A lot Lucy What happened I Think you Should i’m the new Fella Me but I can’t be Sure I tell you it’s that Boss trying to Kill People now that’s a step up are you Mental What are These for were you gonna Chisel the ghost out of the vault Lose my neck is Still Trapped underneath a, chandelier okay, yeah I’m Calling them Bad lights Know what’s Going on Please on the Fraud Shit I take Advantage of Stupid People who believe in the Supernatural? No, offense What Did I tell ya She’s A con, artist did You get all that Are you wearing a wire why Is this Early Two-Thousands Cop Show? That wasn’t me You are such a prick That Chandelier Is Coming out Perfect Can you do Anything else over to make A bit of A mess of your height man Jack So There is Something in the Voice Well Just leave when you get out of it there’s the door Who Can Close it all go better at the end of A long, day all they Want to do Is come home with Calm and empty House I mean you Can stay but Just get Job Are you Losing I like you but Just don’t lie to people i mean I didn’t know ghosts were real until Just now What are you Planning? Shoot Me it doesn’t even Hurt, okay yeah that one Hurt Quite A bit but the Point Still stands and I’ll tell you something When i didn’t believe in Ghosts I imagined them to be Scarier in you and by the way this farce is Bloody ugly Bullshit it Commits Seppuku your Name Eva Lucy Yeah Didn’t sing off our Head yeah you’re not very Good at this Nope Sorry, about the Trying to rob you thing , don’t say it too Loudly because you know you got the Well i mean the Paramedics I’m Just Saying it’s the same light Same Number Change The tone When i walk over Jeez No Handcuffs Then Don’t know when it happened but it’s broken so yeah You get Off Scot-Free By the Way love that last line Jack Does his big Ol speech and then you swoop in and Take a look at Glory Boom Love it now Just got some encouragement from the hike man wow. What Can i Say You’re Taking the piss All Right fine stop Twisting my arm we’re in We’ll join the Team What Are you sure what about don’t Worry about Logistics Admin We’ll figure that out Yeah and once we join forces I have three conditions I want a name I want a logo and our hotline Quiet nice here isn’t it i might sleep here tonight You could never sleep in here why not we could get the desk join me No Hey Check out the New T-Shirts Lucy do not Think it looks like, we’re Working for A chicken Place