HOW TO BE A VAMPIRE (FOR GIRLS)

HOW TO BE A VAMPIRE (FOR GIRLS)

September 22, 2019 22 By William Hollis


I mean why are you even here if you
don’t want to be a vampire? okay welcome back to my channel you may know me from
nowhere so today we’re filming in my bed because we can. because we can and I’m
the boss here and that’s just my decision. my forehead is literally so
large like every single day I fight the urge to like….. but it is really big
though and like some days you can really tell, and today is one of those days. I
think… I have such like a large forehead like does that not ??okay because.
my appearance really can’t be salvaged by any hairstyle. yeah um before anybody
asks I’m not a boy and I’m not lesbian I’m just really lazy okay so today we’re
going to be reading wikiHow articles and honestly they’re really good you guys
are gonna love them probably not but maybe the first one is really great it’s
how to be a vampire for a girl there are specific elements to girl vampires that
I didn’t I didn’t realize so today we’re gonna learn all about that because it’s
a very important skill apparently I would even say that it’s a sport we’re
just gonna go ahead and read this article and we’re gonna learn how to be
up a vampire so if that’s something that you’re passionate about
watch on so the first step is saying that it’s best done after a weekend
vacation or school break so make sure that you have a break so that you can
fully commit to this vampire thing have it forbid you turn into a vampire
overnight that’s so unrealistic the first thing is the transformation into a
vampire well this is so grammatically incorrect I don’t even know that English
had that many forms some things that you are stopping
vampires don’t fiddle with stuff they’re too cool black stuff get it away I don’t
fiddle with that I just sit still like a vampire
okay I there you go don’t blink is often but still bleak do you want to be a
vampire but you also don’t wanna die make it look like you are not breathing
but still breathe um so you know classic vampire stuff they don’t blink they
don’t breathe they’re dead after all but you don’t want to be and staring at
people do not be a creep only stare for about six to ten seconds so anything
longer than 10 seconds immediately a creep you know under six seconds it’s
not gonna faze people they’re gonna think that you’re a normal human being
well once you get into that six to ten second range that’s vampire okay let me
demonstrate while transforming pretend to get major
headaches or your teeth hurt obviously this is because um you’re
getting psychic powers right so you need to be able to demonstrate that
physically and your teeth are hurting because your fangs are coming in duh
things right and my things like I mean if you’re gonna do this go all the way
there’s no half efforts in vampire acting after about a week of
transforming you are now a vampire congratulations thank you for coming to
the ceremony I’m so proud of you all okay so now that you’re transformed
you’re a vampire now okay you can’t just eat celery celery the whips do not eat big lunch because people are
gonna be like if they’re a vampire why are they eating salad so this article
really advises you to basically starve yourself sounds reasonable
carry a metal thermos with you at all times this is extremely important have
you seen Twilight if someone asks you to sleep over at
your house say something like I can’t I’m busy tomorrow but I can hang out
until before dark okay middle-school student by day deadly
murderer by night sleepovers are not an option also you might accidentally eat
your friend don’t be too too social you can be too social but not too too social
have a few close friends and keep them close
stick by their side and if danger comes defend them but don’t defend them defend
them it’s also nice to have other friends that are vampires too of course
clearly so I mean obviously okay it’s fine if a person gets too close to you
scoot away hold your breath and clench your fist do it your mom comes up to you gives you
a hug the person will probably question this I don’t know what you’re talking
about just say that you were a little uncomfortable and thirsty mm-hmm yeah if
you want get vampire fangs not the glowy fake ones that you get for 99 cents at
the pharmacy I don’t know what pharmacy you go to but keep a diary telling of
your vampire life of your struggle to keep your secret if someone finds it
they may believe but wait there’s more Q&A do we drink actual blood absolutely
do not do this it’s very unhealthy what if I don’t have a thermos that you can’t
see through okay if you have a thermos that you can see through that’s not a
thermos just fill your thermos with a red drink like cranberry or strawberry
juice can you imagine not drinking water just so you can convince people that
you’re a vampire must be a wild life for vampires they’re really hot here doing
the books I’m on the cheer squad and every
want to be my friend what do I do that is the worst problem like that subtle
flecks on the vampire form on wikiHow initially everybody wants to make that
my life is just sell high how do I make diamonds on my skin in the
Sun can I do this in high school yes yes you can maybe acting like the
vampire isn’t for you luckily I have like six more wikiHow
articles just kidding I have like I don’t know however many more I have I
don’t know how all if all yeah anyway ok so the next one is how to make people
think you are a witch in middle school if you’re not a middle schooler neither
am i neither is any of my demographic actually we’ll just go ahead and adapt
this to our adult lives so that we can make people think that we are a witch
step number one get a spell book very important step number two get a
necklace with charm something magical like a dragon or like a pentagram face
it wear it every day look offended if nonwitches talked about
witches yeah talking about witches are real Phantogram of satan carry your spell
book with you make sure your spell book is handy a couple of times
leave your spell book unattended wait for someone to look inside and quickly
grab it and walk away that will be completely natural a very easy way to
sell your witch persona if someone asks you if you are a witch you know that
they are going to look worried they need a witch let one of your friends catch e doing
magic if they ask what you are doing say nothing
I’m definitely not doing magic and that’s what you’re implying what are you doing nothing
definitely not doing you know community QA people don’t think I’m a witch he’ll
keep trying you probably won’t make people think you’re a witch overnight
continue following the steps in the article try to make it a little bit more
obvious hips make friends with people who claim they are witch mermaid vampire
etc yeah make friends with other pathological liars your age for your
necklace try wearing a tube filled with glitter
the glitter looks like your magic warnings don’t actually try black magic
unless you’re an expert at it moving on so we know how to be vampire we know how
to be a witch what are we missing here what about what about werewolves step
number one is practice being a werewolf but you haven’t even gone to the article
yet how do I know I don’t know I’m gonna be like werewolves it do not tell anyone
that you are a werewolf they will think you are insane what is well if you
followed these steps correctly they will think they found out your big secret
that you’re a sociopath start a werewolf pack if you have a group of really good
friends that you are sure would join in on the act
ask them that they want to join your pack werewolves always travel in packs don’t shave werewolves are quite hairy stand your ground
if someone teases you give them a look that says no and defensive be on the
move at all times wolves are natural predators and they’re
always moving and waiting improve your balance grace and patience to perfect
the wolves to perfect the look on wolf hunting prey though you can do this make
it minimal so that people will not be freaked out that you are glaring at the
hungrily and hunting them down yeah I mean what is well if someone invites you
over after seven o’clock or dusk say that you can and have to do something if
they ask what make up an activity that you would actually do like oh I’m just
going grocery shopping it won’t be much fun white lies are okay in this
situation but try to never lie except when you’re convincing masses of people
that you’re a werewolf improve your strength speed and reflexes avoid crowds
because you’re a lone wolf learn how to howl it isn’t that difficult come on you
want to hear worlds or not learn how to howl it isn’t that hard suck it up be
afraid of fire better not listen to my new mixtape and community Q&A what if I do get really
really mad at someone or something snarl quietly and glanced away multiple times
should I have a different voice or not when I’m pretending to be a werewolf
your own voice is the one that nature gave you so use it except don’t use the
species that nature gave you why I watched Cake Boss when I was little
have I looked like this the entire time I’m really sorry
thank you so much for watching you know what though I’m sorry that you had to
watch that goodbye