JINN (2017 – LE FESTIVAL DE CANNES)
I spent last night on the floor. What? On who’s floor? A club’s. Ugh, that’s nasty. You’re totally disgusting. I’m serious. I think I’m turning into a Jinn. What? That’s not funny. Jinn are dangerous spirits made from fire, right? Yeah. And you know how much I love to play with fire, don’t you? Huh? What the hell are you doing? Stop! You alright? Nah, I feel weird as fuck. Nothing really makes sense anymore. I’m scared. Scared of what? I don’t really know. What’s supposed to happen after all this? Me. You. This everyday life? Also, I’ve been thinking of my mom a lot lately. Well, when’s the last time you talked to your mom? Like, a week? But, I feel totally detached from everyone. It’s like I could just float away from here. Maybe it’s important that you, go back to things, most familiar to you? Like, go back home, go be with your mom, be around family? Maybe. You got a cigarette? Nah but, I’ve got a swisher? I’ve got a present for you, darling! Thank you, grandma. This will protect you from the Jinn, okay? Okay! You won’t ever forget to wear it, right? Right! I love you, grandma. My head hurts like shit. Nothing makes sense. I can’t be a decent daughter, I can’t be a decent Muslim, I don’t read the Qur’an, I can’t even fucking pray properly, I wake up, I go to class. I come back to this shitty house, I eat. I talk to people I don’t give a fuck about, I eat again, and then I go to sleep. And I repeat, and repeat, and repeat. It’s like that stupid Stromae video, “Alors On Danse” But I’m sick of dancing. Dancing around like a goddamn puppet. Maybe it’s my fault, this void. My mom always said, Ignorance is always easier to have than knowledge And it’s true. I’m living that truth. Maybe I’ve created the Hell, which I’m burning in right now. I’m not happy, And I know exactly why. The boys, the nights, that I don’t even remember anymore. But God, God is forgiving. He’s going to forgive me. But forgive me for what? Who gives a crap if I drink a little bit of alcohol? It’s just a stupid drink. Or flirt with hot Puerto Rican men, That’s just life. That’s just how you live life. And I try, I try really hard. I try to read the Qur’an, and I don’t even speak Arabic. There’s tons of people that do worse shit than me. At least I’m not a prostitute, or a murderer. But it’s not just murderers that go to hell, right? And I know that, I’m in the dark. I’m alone. I’m lost. Help me. Pl-please, help me. Please! Help me! Please! Plea- Fuck it, What am I supposed to do? That’s so fake. Was that too fake?